I tend to believe what I'm told, and it's gotten me into a heap of woe, time and again. This blog is emphatically not about my marriage of days gone by, but.... yeah... believing what I was told was a teensy-tinesy problem, there. So, what are the things I'm believing now, and are they true?
Let's start with this tidbit from Health, ""Getting older is a drag, and middle age is particularly fraught with tension." I know people who are both old and suffering; this is undeniable. I know people who are old and who are limited in what they can do, even if they aren't suffering. But, is this inevitable???? I don't feel particularly fraught, but I'm not particularly old, either. (just a little bit old) My hands and hips hurt, but I attribute that to weight and a woeful lack of exercise, rather than an inevitability of age. Maybe I'm wrong. This is always possible. But maybe I'm right, and the received wisdom is wrong.
You shouldn't do exercise x at your age. Have mercy on those poor sad joints of yours, after all. Do less. Be less. Want less. While it is true that my athletic performance these days is neither athletic nor performance, I can get back there. My body remembers, I'm quite sure of it. Maybe I'm wrong. This is always possible. But maybe I'm right, and the received wisdom is wrong.
Aging should equal invisibility. Wanting to be attractive is just sad at your age. If you want an experiment in invisibility, be a woman of my age on a college campus. It's humbling, right enough. But here's what I know that some 20 year olds don't. I don't want to be attractive to get a partner. I don't want to be attractive to match a societal ideal. It's about liking what I see in the mirror rather than other people liking what they see. Doing that, without the mutilations of surgery and self-loathing, can be celebratory. It can be powerful. And I've got a lot of stuff to get done, so feeling powerful is good. Maybe this will never happen for me. Maybe I'm wrong. This is always possible. But maybe I'm right, and the received wisdom is wrong.
Retire already, and make way for younger women. No can do, sweetie. One consequence of a divorce in middle age is that is changes the retirement picture considerably. And not for the better. So, there's that. But it's also true that I still have things to do, and I need time to do them. More than needing to work, I want to work as long as I am healthy. See above for my thoughts about that. I'm banking on the work force adapting to older workers - learning, for instance, that we are not all mired in the past and resistant to change. No, I'm banking on the work force embracing older workers. Maybe this won't happen. Maybe I'm wrong. This is always possible. But maybe I'm right, and the received wisdom is wrong.
Wear frumpy clothes - a muumuu might be good. I can't find it now, but I recently read a list of things I should not wear at my age. Capri pants, skirts even at the knee much less one millimeter above, dangly earrings - all inappropriate, apparently. What???? Now.... I do get it that there are age-appropriate items of clothing. An infant in a onesie is darling. A 20 year old in a onesie is probably drunk. But I want to banish the "does this make me look like I'm trying too hard?" question from my repertoire. There's something in that question that buys into the belief that older women should politely make themselves invisible. I'm not going there. I think I can silence that inner voice that tells me not to take up any visual space on the planet. Maybe I'm wrong. This is always possible. But maybe I'm right, and the received wisdom is wrong.
You probably won't lose weight/get fit/meet your health goals. It's something about the hormones, or the lack thereof. It's going to be so hard to compensate for this that you should probably just set your goals lower. You know now where this is going. Just for the sake of argument, I am acting as though I can be in the best shape of my life. Not just good for my age, mind you. The best shape of my life. Maybe I'm wrong. This is always possible. But maybe I'm right, and the received wisdom is wrong.
The thing is, I really could be wrong on all counts. It's not just personal change I'm charting here, as though that's not hard enough. These are societal changes I'm advocating for, and culture change is hard. I wish I had already written this book and knew how it ends. Alas. I have to walk this path and figure it out. But.... I also GET to walk this path and figure it out. And what if it all goes right??
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