Quo Vadimus

If you haven't already, you really need to watch Sports Night.  Aaron Sorkin probably has his issues, but he gets it right so very often.  In this episode, Quo Vadimus , the staff are forced to consider the questions of "where are we going?" and "where am I going?"   It isn't always pretty, but it is always powerful.

And, that's the question that confronts me.  What's next?  Where am I going?  The universe is giving me sign after sign that I need to answer these questions.  I know that I need new challenges, and yet, I feel like I have boxed myself in.  Or perhaps I need new challenges, and I am adequately rooted that I can take risks.  Or something in between. 

Is this the same question as "where do I belong?"  Perhaps moving on is more like moving forward, and does not require leaving. (She said, with hope in her heart.)  I do know a few things.  I love academia, even though it will drive a person right 'round the bend sometimes.  I love philanthropy and nonprofits and people who work to change the world. 

I want to live in the south again, I'm pretty sure.  I definitely -maybe- want to be out of DeKalb.  it certainly wouldn't pain me to never again experience a midwestern winter.  And yet, it's not that simple.  I also feel rooted here.  I love my house.  It's in no shape to be left, at this point.  But more importantly, leaving it would feel like unfinished business.  I have friends and commitments here.  But the friends I would carry with me, right?

How do you know when you're rooted and how do you distinguish that from being stuck?  The first must come with a feeling of peace and contentment, and the latter must come with a feeling of frustration or at least resignation. But these feelings aren't binary; that's the facile dream of self-help books.  This is real, and the feelings are mixed.

In the meantime, I am proceeding as though I am both staying and leaving.  THIS is a little crazy-making!