My Sweet Dog - Thank You

I got bad news from the vet this morning.  Your tumors are growing aggressively, and the time is not long now.  The vet advised me against buying a big bottle of your pain medication; the time is that close, she figures.

I want to remember -I want to honor- what you've done for me.  Good heavens, sweetie, I just want to thank you.  I was still fairly broken from an ugly divorce when you came to me.  I was getting better, sure, but there was quite a ways yet to go.  You chose me.  And I hadn't been chosen in a really long time.  Like ever, maybe.  Thank you for whatever it was that you saw in me.

You've taught me that even now I can love another creature, that I can take great pleasure in "doing for" another being.  You've taught me that the occasional burdens (e.g. the 5:00 am walks -seriously was THAT necessary??) are worth it -and turn out sometimes to be gifts, after all.

I love how you sometimes come over to my bed when I'm in it, and snuggle your big head next to mine.  It's as though, in the middle of the night, you wake up and think "oh, I'd better go love on my person!" I love your big brown eyes and how you look straight at me.  I love how you let me rest my forehead on yours.  I love that soft spot on the side of your face.  I love how you've come to be trustworthy off-leash; you always turn to check on me and to make sure I'm nearby.  I love how on the very first day you lived with me, on our first walk, you turned right into the driveway.  You knew where "home" was.  And now I can let you off-leash and say, "go home" and I know you will.  You run with such delight toward the side porch.  If you're feeling really good, you leap the flower beds in your hurry to get there.  On regular days, you go around them, but still running with all your heart toward home.

You lead with your heart, you sweet boy, and I'm still learning to take that risk.  It's imaginable, in part, because of you.

Run, sweetheart.  Run with all your heart towards home.