Not Eating is Eating Me Up

So, this happened.  I was working out with my personal trainer, and I felt really sick.  Not at all my usual silly high-drama complaining, this was for real.  I realized when puzzling it over with him that I had not eaten in 24 hours.  Seriously.  Who does that?  But I hadn't been hungry.  (Nor, by the way, am I losing weight.)  I tried to go to work that day, but had to come home due to queasiness and dizziness.

not me - the abs might have been a tip-off

This is just one of MANY ways lately that overwork at my job is requiring me to take absurd risks with the rest of my life.  This is not cute.  This is not even close to cute.  I am back, in some ways, to where I was at the very beginning of my path toward independence.  I need to end every day safer than I was when I woke up in the morning.  The immediate challenge is that I need to eat, and it needs to be real food.  How hard can THIS be?   In fact, I can eat, irrespective of whether or not I cut back at work.  I don't have to solve both problems at the same time.  Other people manage this.

So, I've been trying.  It's harder than one might think.  It feels like a food obsession, like the sort of hyper-vigilance that can't be healthy.  And yet, feeding my body in some healthy and respectful way seems like it merits attention.  I'll find a balance - surely.  (although there is little evidence that balance is my strong suit!)

Leftover from parenting small children, my typical approach is to make it easier to do the right thing than it is to do the wrong thing.  So, how does that apply now?  The wrong thing is pretty darn easy!  And yet, there are changes that I can make.  I work out early, and I just can't eat breakfast before I go to the gym.  Please don't make me do that.  I could, though,  eat a banana and have some pre-workout drink before working out.  If I were better at actually cleaning up and getting ready for work at the gym, which would be more efficient, AND I had breakfasts stored in the fridge/freezer/cupboard at work, then I might be able to drive by the fast food places that are calling my name at this point.

who needs this?

On the days when I take the puppy to his school, stopping by the Sycamore Wellness Bar for a smoothie could be an option.  It's still fast food, but it's good for me.  That pretty much takes care of the work-week.

But the details are less important than the principles.  Preparing for tomorrow today (the crockpot needs to come out of hiding!), keeping my energy level up in the evenings (refreshing iced tea rather than wine in the evenings), making friends with my kitchen again, ... these are things I can do.  They add grace and calm to my life, and they will help me to treat myself with respect.

not my kitchen, but it kind of could be